Sober September Week #3

By Erin Schindler

Welcome to HOB!
We are glad you have joined us and that you are taking steps to improve your health.
We are on week 3 of no alcohol. How are you doing? What is the hardest part for you?
Are you having FUN?

Many of us think we have to give up parties and dinner dates. We are
concerned about not having fun without drinking. Please know, fun and sobriety are not
mutually exclusive.

I made the decision 28 years ago to quit drinking as it wasn’t serving me,
and, quite honestly, I couldn’t control it! I can tell you that it was hard to quit drinking at first, but
it got easier with time and support. Now, I feel like I can overcome obstacles that used to baffle
me. I am having more fun than I could have ever imagined! But that wasn’t always the case.
There was a time I had no idea how to act, what to say, or what to do with my hands! I felt like
everyone was judging me. Fact is, no one was concerned about what I was doing! They still
aren’t. But it was hard to silence that voice in my head. I had to really learn to not care what
others thought about me. I have also come to realize that me not drinking has helped others in
their journey with alcohol. When someone asks me why I am not drinking, I tell them that I am
in long term recovery. Perhaps you say that you are taking it out of your life for a while to
improve your health! Maybe you can help someone who is thinking about taking a break from
drinking!

Something else that is fun is SEX! Statistics show that 75% of women like to have a drink, or
several, before going to bed with their husband or boyfriend and 6% of women have never had
sex sober. For some of us it is insecurities about our bodies. For some it is reducing inhibitions.
For some it is to feel more adventurous. It is a huge safety blanket for a lot of us! A huge
benefit of not drinking is an IMPROVED sex life. Just as it is not easy to go to a party or a bar
and not drink, it may be difficult to initiate sex or to have sex with your partner at first. BUT, sex
is so much better sober for both our minds and bodies. We get to be fully present and there for
ourselves. We get to be fully present and there for our partner. Physically, we may seem more
turned on after a few drinks, but it doesn’t last. Alcohol is a depressant, so it eventually lowers
our attraction and the chances of having an orgasm. For men it causes difficulty keeping an
erection. For women it can cause vaginal dryness and even painful sex. Having sex sober
leads to a better experience for both you and your partner. End result is improved intimacy, a
better relationship, and better sex. Who doesn’t want that?!

If you are not in a committed relationship and are dating, drinking to get comfortable with
someone can lead to bad decision making. I know, I have been there! Drinking affects our
judgement and may lead us to sleep with someone we wish we didn’t, or we may jump in bed
with someone too soon. Bad judgment may also make us forgot to use a condom or to use birth
control.

So, can we really have more fun and better sex without alcohol? The answer is yes! Instead of
going to a bar together, go for a walk or to the movies. Be flirty! We can still have candlelit
dinners with sparkling water. We need to stop the negative chatter in our heads without the
help of a glass of wine or a gin and tonic. Start practicing mindfulness and be truly present in
the moment with your partner whether it be in or out of the sheets.
I hope this helps!
Have a blessed and wonderful week!

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